How do we seek authentic living?

Knowing and honoring your values. Values are like our own North Star, providing sense of direction and grounding. Values may stay fairly consistent throughout adult life, or may change as you grow. They serve as the core of what drives us personally, professionally and socially. Even if you can’t name them now, chances are there are common values that are the foundation for many of the decisions you have made in life. Spent money earning a graduate degree? Chances are, education is a value you hold. Did you choose to live in the same neighborhood as your parents? Perhaps family is a high value of yours. Knowing and understanding your values is an essential ingredient in authenticity. If you don’t know what your North Star looks like, how can it guide you?

Need help figuring out your values? Think of times you feel most happy. Chances are your values are being honored in those times. You can also check this out. Also, coaching is an excellent way to explore your values.

Self-love. The root of authenticity is being real with yourself. Authenticity starts by examining exactly what you need, want and value in life. No one else can decide that for you–you must get real with yourself. Further, if you wish to live an authentic life, you must love yourself. When we love ourselves, we can get real with ourselves. When you are loving, honest and real with yourself, you give yourself permission to live by your values everyday.

Approaching growth rather than distracting ourselves from pain. Authenticity does not come easy. But it is so worth it. Seeking authenticity includes ending the drive for distraction that allows us to avoid the uncomfortable feelings of change and growth. What does the drive for distraction look like? It looks like staying so busy that we don’t have time to think. It looks like unhealthy stress responses such as drinking and eating too much. It includes loving others more than you love yourself, compromising values to please people, and staying stuck.

Knowing the difference between hoping and wishing. Researchers largely agree that the difference between hoping and wishing is goals and control. Those who wish things will get better spend time waiting for others to make that happen for them. Instead, hope includes knowing things will get better, seeing a path, and having action steps to walk that path. Authentic living lives in the same space as hope; it is an active process, rather than a passive waiting.

What are the benefits of authentic living? 

• Personal and Professional Boundaries: Lack of authenticity can get in the way of sticking with boundaries that work for us. Difficulty saying no, committing to activities you’d rather not do, holding onto relationships and responsibilites that burn you out–all come from difficulty sticking to boundaries that honor your values and love for self. Authentic living helps us feel assured that our boundaries are worthy and important.
• Role Integration: Ever feel like who you are as a parent is very different than who you are in your professional role? Or that who you are with your immediate family is different than who you are when with friends? Authenticity allows the real you to show up in all your roles and relationships.
• Thriving: It takes tons of energy to force authentic living. Thriving doesn’t include feeling stuck, tired and unhealthy. Authentic living opens the door to thriving. It gives the chance to step into the life in which you are your best self at all times.